Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Sorting out the Texas Problems

With the rash of arrests since June reaching seven yesterday, many think the Texas program is in danger of becoming the next Miami, if they already haven't become it. Mack Brown doesn't think there is a problem, and thinks the current system he has in place will fix the problems. We here at Drinking the Forty are disgusted that this is our football team, and think Mack Brown is wrong in his assesment. We think there is a serious problem, and it should be dealt with swiftly and sternly. Therefore, we here at Drinking the Forty are proud to present the Texas Longhorn Disciplinary Chart.

A handy guide to assist Mack Brown with getting his program back on the right track...

Miss a class or a team meeting
While this is not the biggest offense, we think letting small transgressions go unpunished will lead to bigger problems.

Spend the day dressed like a teletubby. Preferably the purple one.

Fail a test
Discipline in the classroom will carry over to discipline on and off the field. Making the players accountable everywhere they go and in everything they do will make them think before they act.

They should be forced to sit and watch a WNBA game from start to finish. This will make studying seem much more appeasing.

Yay! Layups!

Charged with a misdemeanor
Whether you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, or if you had nothing to do with a crime, you have to change what you do, where you go, and who you hang out with.

Take a page out of one of the most respected football coaches in the country's book, Joe Pa. For even the smallest of indescrestion, let them clean the stadium. That way they well have some experience when they have to clean the side of a highway.

Charged with a Felony
Too many players have done too much wrong this season. Just suspending them from the team isn't enough. They need to know that committing a crime is serious.

If you can't ask offensive questions to John Kerry, you shouldn't be able to commit felonies.

Guilty of a Misdemeanor
Granted, if they're guilty of a crime they will most likely be excused from the team. But is that really enough?

I think there's no punishment worse than a night with OU Fan Allen Michael Beckett. Nothing like a sharp tug on the scrotum will straighten up a trouble maker.

Guilty of a Felony
This in inexcusable, and we as fans are angered and embarrased to have such people as a part of our program and university. As fans we want retribution.

Well they're going to prison anyways. Why not just take this with them.

*DTF does not actually condone the gripping of the scrotum in any circumstances.
**DTF does not actually condone the use of a breeding stand on anything or anyone.

1 comment:

Rob said...

Da na na na na na na na-